A few days

I have learned to love my time to myself...LOVE it. Once upon a time...I hated it, but being the only child I had to learn to at least like it. Then as I have gotten older I have learned to LOVE it and crave it. You can tell when I need a "me break" because I start getting all irritable and agitated (not the bipolar mixed episode kind).

Luckily, I managed to get a few days to myself and I did what.I.wanted...for the most part. I took lots of naps and caught up on some laundry. I ate "healthy" junk food...but I think when you over eat the healthy it equals junk. I wore workout clothes Saturday like I was gonna workout...who cares, people at least thought..."oh, she got her fitness or is going to get her fitness on." Wrong, I got lazy. I got to sleep with my Red dog on the pillow next to me...she seriously enjoys pillow time, just between us!

I kinda feel like I had a mini vaca...a mini break.

Did anyone catch Kim and Kourtney take New York last night? OH...they totally re/edited to make my future husband look like a major ass...NO Worries...I can see through all of the fake and I still love him!

Let's just be Honest here

I used to have a tabloid addiction...it was terrible. During breaks at school I could be found reading a tabloid. I suppose no addiction is cheap, but I had to give up the tabloids eventually because it was hurting my pocketbook!

Y'all, I have a confession to make...today I bought OK magazine. Honestly, I only bought it because it has my next baby daddy on the front of it. I wanted to read what Kris Humphries had to say about his pending divorce through a "source close to him". According to the "source" he still has hopes Kimmy will come home to stay, but she not...I know that, you know that and I am pretty positive he knows that, too...but he really loved her and cared about her so of course it is only natural to want to make your marriage work.

The thing he doesn't know that has hit him yet is...well ME!!! I love him...um yeah, I watch Keeping up with the Kardash's and I fell in love with him. I was jealous that she was going to be Mrs. Humphries...but in the end she couldn't even give him the respect to take his name at least LEGALLY...professionally she can be Kardash all she wants, but a name change for a man you love is necessary in my eyes. Oh well, we will see what happens and see if I do indeed to eventually get to make that move out to Minnesota that she wasn't willing to make.

In other news...I made chili today...enough to freeze and keep my belly warm and full for a while. I am actually pretty proud of myself because I was just tired and felt like napping all day and no I didn't have to stand over it and supervise it or anything, but I feel like I accomplished something...so now I can sleep tonight with sweet dreams of my future husband...;)

Just another Day

Last night I was a little worried that I may not manage my first "official" holiday without my daddy, but here I am...it's almost midnight and I managed. Thanksgiving was never a big deal for us...just another day. A lot of times dad would stay on the road and keep working so he could have an extra week at Christmas, but still it being that first holiday I wasn't sure how I would cope.

I got up this morning and said to myself..."it's just another day." Got dressed, made coffee...maybe ate some breakfast and I headed out to the park where I walked/jogged 3.1 miles (hmmm...a 5K). At the end of my walk I found a spot where I could see the creek that was really a'flowing from the recent rain and I just thought. I looked and listened to the peacefulness of no hustle and bustle of the day and enjoyed my time to myself with nature. To be honest I thought to myself, "if this wasn't just a creek in this itty bitty town my daddy would have loved it." I stayed there for almost an hour just thinking and processing.

 

Once I left there I swung by the grosto (grocery store...a new friend introduced me to his word and I am lovin it!) There was just something about it that called my name...maybe it was because there was hardly any cars in the parking lot. I mean, for me...it was just another day. I wondered around and picked up a few things and then out of nowhere I decided I was gonna make a cheesecake. Geez, my daddy loved cheesecake. I'm not sure how he felt about Eggnog, but I ended up making a Eggnog Cheesecake that ended up being quite a hit and obviously I ended up going to a family function...by far not my own family...but I did attend a Thanksgiving dinner and that made my "just another day" a holiday and I am okay.

Eggnog Cheesecake...no springform, and it is cracky...but proof I actually made it!

On the other hand, my mother made plans with some of her family and didn't have as good of a day as I did, but like I told her baby steps...that's all I have to give right now and I can't handle being around people that are determined to micromanage our grief. I can't handle anymore negative in my bubble...it is already full of what I bring into it myself and I am working on purging that!

So...I hope everyone had a Happy "just another day" or Thanksgiving...whichever one suits you best.

Where in the world have I been?

Yep, I get it for blogging to be "therapeutic" you must get to it and do it! Stick with it. Once upon a time on that site called "myspace"...remember way back? Okay I am kidding it wasn't that way back, but once upon a time there I blogged pretty regularly...until all the drama and what not started happening there. Oh well.

So...in the last year a million and one things have happened that has literally turned my life upside down and I had made a couple attempts to get back at "blogging it out", but then the bottom completely fell out of the sky and I hardly had time to shower for a few months...must less turn my computer on. A couple weeks ago I was taking a baby step at trying to get everything back into order I mentioned to someone that I was there to try and get my "hot mess of a life" straighten out. We laughed at my comment and then the lady was like...that would be a perfect blog that you would then turn into a book that would subsequently become a movie and I would not forget the little people that helped me try to turn my life around.

Well, here goes...a goal...I am gonna try to take time out every day and "blog it out", but if it doesn't happen everyday...it will be okay too. But there are things that I feel like I need to put out there and maybe save some money on therapy...;) Eventually, I will explain more of what has been going on, but for now I'll leave it at...no there was not a psychotic break...YET (with the holiday's right here it feels like one could happen at any moment), I haven't been in prison...YET...hehehe and no marriages or babies. I just proofread which is something I don't like to do...but kinda glad I did because something about all of that made it sound like I had been on drugs or something...so no there was no drugs either...damn, so boring, huh?

Okay, get to this and lets see what tomorrow brings. I honestly don't have any Turkey Day plans...and for once I don't care!

Have You Ever?

I just want to crawl into the Anthro catalog and LIVE there...as soon as possible!

What A Day...Seriously

Geez my knees, the allergies were getting better until it rained cats and dogs last night and then...boom allergy attack from hell! I thought the rain was suppose to was the allergens away...I can't tell!

The bestie called last night to tell me that a really good friend of ours sister-in-law was in a pretty bad car accident and they were calling the family in. It is funny how the information that we got was lost in translation. The story changed this morning to it was our friend who was in the accident...wow...after I took a gander on facebook I realized that it wasn't a car accident...it was a suicide attempt!!!! It is crazy how the info went from here to Alabama then back here to me...no wonder the info got all twisted. From what I understand she is in the hospital in critical condition. I plan on going by to see her tomorrow for a minute after my fabulous dentist appointment...I have to pass info on to the bestie because they were really close and with her stuck in Alabama with exams around the corner she is beside herself.  

So....the dentist....yucko, but with all the pressure in my head from my stupid allergies it is making a tooth hurt....plus, I am overdue a cleaning.

Here's to a better day tomorrow....XO

Pretty sweet giveaway by Kelly at The Centsible Life and the people behind Checkngo are giving away the free iPad 2! Enter to win here: http://bit.ly/TCLiPad.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND MEEEEE!!!!!

Easter?

Good Morning...or is it Goodnight?

As many people are rising early to attend "sunrise services" for Easter...I will be going to bed. I took a different route this year and I attended the Russian Orthodox Easter service at midnight.

It was definitely experience and it was a lot of information to take in all at once. I am most definitely still curious!

Happy Easter, Y'ALL!

Voice Mail

Am I the only one that rather leave a message and the person call me back, but I hate when someone leaves me a message?

I hate when my phone dings to let me know that I have a v.mail....hate it....I cringe and I think I have a small panic attack. NOT COOL. I rather call the person back and see what they wanted than listen to that message.

My mom is notorious for leaving "mean" messages, it is like she is mad because I didn't answer. She claims she doesn't leave "mean" messages, but I tell you they are mean...tone counts as mean!
Way back when I still had a land line I purposely DID NOT have an answering machine...until one year for my birthday my mom bought me a new phone with a fancy answering machine on it. Great.

I like the time before you set up your v.mail on your cellophone because...HA..."this person has not set up v.mail" take that person that was gonna leave a not nice message!!! Thank goodness for visual v.mail because I can delete if I suspect that it is going to be one of those not nice messages without even having to listen to it. Right now I have 3 from one person that I know are NOT nice but I am a little curious...but I don't know if I am brave enough to listen.

LIFE

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

Today I will be greatful for where I am now

My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I

thought I would have by now -- I might not be living the kind of life I

thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right

now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life

in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.

I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve

it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.

I'm deserving, worthy, and valuable.

I'm a lovable person, and today I thank the person who helped me

understand this: me.

50 ways to spread the happy virus

1. Throw away your bad mood.
2. Smile at random strangers.
3. Talk to someone you don't know.
4. Hold the door for others.
5. Think before you speak.
6. Give someone a compliment.
7. Answer the phone cheerfully.
8. Tell yourself you're awesome.
9. Listen attentively to others.
10. Share a great song with a friend.
11. Email a friend from the past.
12. Point out the good in a bad situation.
13. Leave a nice tip for a good server.
14. Donate things you don't need anymore.
15. Send flowers to someone you love.
16. Buy a book you know a friend will enjoy.
17. Volunteer at a local charity for a day.
18. Watch something funny and really laugh.
19. Tweet about someone else's post.
20. Leave a nice comment on a FB wall.
21. Write someone you love a note.
22. Bring a treat to a good friend.
23. Sponsor someone else's dream.
24. Leave a really thoughtful comment on a blog.
25. Hug as if it is the last time.
26. Hold someone's hand unexpectedly.
27. Let an argument go....just walk away.
28. Act extra happy to see someone.
29. Celebrate someone as if it is his/her birthday.
30. Tell someone what they mean to you.
31. Send an out-of-the-blue e-card.
32. Visit someone who is sick (and bring soup!).
33. Do someone else's chore without complaining.
34. Wake up with a smile on you face.
35. Sing a song just for fun.
36. Take care of plans so no one else has to.
37. Play with someone (dog, kid, adult) for an hour.
38. Watch a happy movie with a relative.
39. Put on your favorite outfit and a smile.
40. Look for details and share them with someone.
41. Let someone do something for you.
42. Take a bug outside instead of killing it.
43. Invite someone new to do something with you.
44. Be silly with someone special.
45. Mean it when you say, "Have a nice day!"
46. Lend someone something of value.
47. Make something (food, art, etc.) for someone.
48. Resolve to let a past conflict go.
49. Let someone else go first.
50. Be happy with who you are.

Personal Bill Of Rights

I have the right to make my own choices.

I have the right to follow my own values and standards, as long as I am not abusive towards others.

I have a right to dignity and respect.

I have a right to all of my feelings.

I have the right to express myself as long as

I am not abusive toward others.

I have a right to determine and honor my own priorities.

I have a right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate.

I have a right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

I have the right to say no when I feel I am not ready, unsafe, or if it violates my values

I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

I have the right not to be responsible for others behavior, actions, feelings or problems.

I have a right to be uniquely me, without feeling I’m not good enough.

I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings and judgment for any reason.

I have the right to change my mind at any time.

I have the right to my personal space and time needs.

I have the right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so.

I have the right to be in a safe, non-abusive environment.

I have the right to forgive others and forgive myself.

I have the right to give and receive unconditional love.

I have the right to enjoy being sexual and celebrate my sexuality.

I have the right to my own spiritual beliefs and to celebrate them.

I have the right to grieve when I don’t get what I need.

I have the right to grieve when I get something I didn’t need or want.

I have the right to joyfully receive without feeling guilty.

I have the right to healthy relationships of my choice.

I have the right to be angry with someone I love.

I have the right to be, and can be, healthier than those around me.

I have the right to trust others who earn my trust.

I have the right to terminate conversations for any reason.

I have a right to expect honesty from others.

I have the right to change and grow.

I have the right to follow my own path.

I have the right to be happy.


Now if I could just live by these, I would be doing good.

Living Life on a Rollercoaster

The past few weeks my brain has been working overtime. I have been plagued with the racing thoughts and the impulses to act upon a few of the "out there" thoughts. My bank account is in the red....all I wanted was to buy myself a little happy, only to find out you can't buy yourself a little happy only trigger the impulse to want to spend, spend, spend.

I wanted change, I needed change so for the past 3 Wednesday's I have gotten my hair cut. My hair that 3 weeks ago was a little past my shoulders and great is now chin length and terrible. Today I made it worse....I ended up with bangs and I can't stand bangs on myself...they just don't work out for me.

This past weekend I took a fly by the seat of my pants road trip to see a male friend that I had no business going to see. Change, I was seeking change....change of scenery....change in everything.

Yesterday, I saw the head doc and she changed some meds around adding one and taking away two...is that good? I don't feel like it is going to be a good thing since one of the meds that was taken from my regime was my sleeping pill. I have yet to pick up the new Seroquel XR and see if it is any better then the regular Seroquel that the side effects out weighed the benefits.

I can only say, lets see what happens and hope that I can hop off this bipolar rollercoaster.